Why, Janet? WHY?!

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. Poor Janet Jackson. The woman works hard to shift the pounds, record a new album and orchestrate another comeback and what happens? She makes a really odd music video.



Whilst I cannot claim to be a JJ fan, I've never had anything against her, in fact, I have on several occasions found myself bopping along in the kitchen to her stuff on the radio whilst I've cooked dinner. But that is not the point.

This is your comeback woman, and it should've been good. For a start, fire whoever did your wardrobe, hair and makeup. I mean, what is with those outfits? Surely at some point, an artist of your calibre would perhaps have had the request to see oneself in a mirror granted?

And while we're on the subject, the stripey lips. Words fail me. I have not been gobsmacked in a while, so thank you for that, makeup people. That fish-like opening and closing in the first half does not add a surreal edge, just an even sillier one to an already bizarre image.

I suppose the element of surrealness would explain the fact that this video has no stylistic or thematic continuity. Costumes and sets seem to change constantly, one minute Janet's dancing on a sand dune, then she's in some crazy ancient building. Somehow I don't think there are THAT many crazy ancient buildings in the Sahara. I can't see any Land Rovers standing by to ferry her off to one of the aforementioned buildings, and she sure as hell can't walk in those bizarre long skirts.

However, I think my personal favourite bit was the Pirates of the Caribbean style sequences with Janet draped artfully over Nelly, apparently completely unaware of the rough seas that their vessel is navigating.

My final point, and then I promise to stop, get a better choreographer. Seriously.