Monday, October 30, 2006

What happened to my frickin' rainbow?!

Let there be outrage in the nation, Smarties, sugar coated E-number of choice, have sold out. Yes, along with all of those lettuce munching veggie zealots, Smarties have fallen in line with removing anything remotely tasty from their sweets in order to be more 'healthy'.

Since when is sugar coated chocolate considered even remotely healthy? There's nothing healthy about it, bar maybe the cardboard container that they come in. My wrath comes in the form of halloween sweets. Ever since we got a random batch of trick of treaters two weeks early and were forced to give them a mixture of fruit and money, we ran out to the supermarket and picked up two massive bags of assorted junk to feed the neighbourhood kids and hoodlums. Of course, that batch of small children was a freak of early halloween-ness and as such, we gorged ourselves on miniature packets of Skittles and Milky Ways. Subsequently, my mother was forced to go on a mission to buy more sweets to replace the ones we ate.

As part of her haul, she picked up some of the new no added preservative smarties. (Woman shaking packet/woman shaking child advert anyone? Note that the actual smarties aren't on show in the commercial.

Now, Smarties as I remember them were vivid brightly coloured snacks of deliciousness that stained your tongue and fingers all of the colours of the rainbow. Opening a packet on Saturday, I waited for the optical assault, only to be greeted by slug coloured candies. I mean, even the dark brown was kind of toffee coloured and blotchy.

What happened to my frickin' rainbow?!

Along with all of those preservatives, they clearly also took out all the e-numbers and goodies that made Smarties eye candy as well as belly candy. I mean, it's bad enough they took away the little plastic lids with letters and tubes that provided endless hours of getting your thumb stuck inside them. Now, they take away those lovely bright colours.

If I wanted sub-par coloured smarties, I'd go buy some dodgy random brand ones from the corner shop that were two years out of date. I am deeply disappointed with Nestle. I thought they were the one chocolatier that would hold out to health fads and obesity figures and carry on pumping their products full of semi-legal shit.

Apparently not. And so, as a tribute to what Smarties once were, a video that I found on Youtube. It's oddly addictive:



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