ad·u·les·cent - 1. n young person, often in their twenties, forced to return to living in a semi-permanent state of suspended adolescence in their parent's home. Often seen in possession of a degree and a staggering overdraft.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Does anyone else find the new Orangina advert creepily over-sexed? Now, I'm no prude by any means but seeing jungle animals in bikinis twirling round stripper poles and a lap dancing Octopus doesn't make me thirsty and it certainly doesn't make me think hmm, I must buy Orangina next time. And I quite like Orangina.
For those of you who may have been momentarily excited by the title of this post, I'm sorry to disappoint you but it's not anything to do with what Fergie illustriously refers to as Lady Lumps. I apologise for any interest caused.
For the last two weeks or so, I've had a strange hump/lump on my forearm, just above my elbow. How and why this mystery blemish originated is beyond me. It was simply the case that I woke up one morning, lo and behold, I was lumpy of arm. Now, I know most people out there will be thinking that the protusion on my arm is the result of a drunken bump into something but seeing as the lump emerged mid-week, is solid and has no bruising, I've pretty much ruled out this potential source of lumpiness.
I've also noticed that the lump fluctuates in size. Some days, it'll be tiny, barely discernable. The next, it will be a raging pink and demanding attention, often after I've spent sizable hours leaning on it at work. It's understandable - I'd be pink and angry if someone spent 8 hours leaning on me too. The weird thing is though, it's not tender, its not purple and the fact that it comes and goes as it pleases fascinates me to no end. I spend countless moments throughout the day examining, poking and prodding it - at least if it hurt under duress, I could justify it's presence but the fact that it seems completely indifferent to any pain inflicted is slightly alarming. I know that in today's digital age, I should be sharing photos at multiple angles of the lump but due to it's difficult position and the fact that my camera is pretty rubbish, I shall have to leave it to your imaginations until a later date.
So far, only one lump, right? Not quite. To match it, I also have a lump in my ear but I have a feeling that you've probably stomached all of the lump news you can today and on that note, I will end our lesson is adulescent swellings. To make up for it, please enjoy Alanis Morrissette's brilliant piss-take of Fergie's dancefloor classic, as mentioned earlier.
So, I've been promising myself not to shop for the last two weeks. Have I stuck to it? Hell no. On Friday, I went to the My-Wardrobe.com sample sale, where I bought a Tara Jarmon silk balloon top and a great Et Vous Cotton-cashmere knit dress. Both were reduced hugely - the top was originally £256 and I bought it for £40. In girl logic, I saved £210, making it a bargain. In boy logic (as according to my boyfriend), I still spent £40.
So, I said I wasn't going to buy anything else but coming back from a show tonight, I thought I would stick my head in Miss Selfridge and the giant Topshop for a little nosey. Not to buy anything. Oh no.
Well, that lasted all of about 20 minutes and I walked out with two pairs of shoes, one from each store. From Miss Selfridge:
Mmm. They're actually a lot lighter in terms of colour than this photo suggests, far more nude in tone.
As regular readers will know, I can't wear heels but that didn't stop me from buying these. I love little details like buttons and zips on shoes and although I'm still undecided on whether to keep them, I'm erring more to the keep than return frame of mind. Another great example of girl logic.
My other pair of shoes are slightly less exciting - just nude coloured pumps from Topshop for everyday use and also to go with my new TJ top but they'll be the shoes that I will not get told off for buying, so they make me happy too.
Anyway, a whole post about shoes. I promise, the next one will be slightly more interesting - about an altercation in a curry house. Ooh, I bet you're intrigued...
i LOVE: driving, writing, movies, taking photographs, tv, magnets, tea, singing loudly, sunglasses, being by the sea, sushi, anything with stars on, the sound of trains rumbling by, my dogs, hunter s thompson and staring into space.
i LIKE: doodling, sitting in the pub, staying in, primark, wearing trackpants on sundays, reading, being in the city at night.
i LOATHE: washing up, rogue cyclists, ken livingstone, working on sunny days, soggy jeans, early starts, lighters running out, screaming children, maid in manhattan, yobs, pop-ups.